Silence is such a virtue. . .

My Grandma always said, "silence is such a virtue." I am sad to say I never really listened. I am pretty sure I left the womb and started talking. I could honestly talk to a hole in the wall. I do not care if a person responds or not, I just love to talk. I always got into tons of trouble in school. If you ever wanted to know something, all you had to do was ask me! lol I would tell my life story to a stranger and in Tennessee this seems to be such a common thing. I fit right in here!! I love it!

Another thing my Grandma always told me was to just keep my mouth shut if I didn't have anything kind to say. That is more along the line of where I have been this past week. I have not forgotten about my blog, but I really haven't had anything nice to say about anything. Honestly, it's been a downer of a week! lol I figured it was best to just step back and live "off the paper" for a few days. Can't say that it has done much good though. I'm even more frustrated with the lack of a good outlet. I have had so many "hits" on here so I am a bit scared about who is reading my thoughts. I guess I am just getting a bit afraid of the possible consequences of my words. It was (at first) just a sweet secret place to get my thoughts out. The newness has worn off and things are getting real. It is a bit refreshing, yet scary as hell. Is that not the way of this world??!!

Aren't all situations like this? The new feeling wears off and people start letting their true feelings/personalities come shining through. Or is it that people just change and grow into someone different? Do our situations change us? Do we mold into what we are forced to by our environment? I think the jury is still out on this one. At least in my house.

 I have never mastered the art of "shutting up."  I am, however, learning that just keeping things to myself will always be a good idea. Seriously, I am just one person. I do not have anything original or magical to say ,so maybe I should just "shut up!" LOL  Like I've said before, I feel too deeply and think even deeper. I have always been this way.  Allen feels that I am "dramatic" about all things, but I don't. I do wear my feelings on my sleeves and feel so strongly. Maybe there isn't a difference in that and being dramatic. I don't really know. I have lost the faith in trying to figure it out. I just want to find happiness. Self- happiness!!! I wonder if I ever will. I wonder if I even deserve it. Do my obligations and my anchor hold me to this unhappiness? Do I think that I deserve real, true happiness? Honestly, I'm not sure at this point. I just see the long road of uncertainty and confusion layed out in front of me. It's a scary thing to walk on alone. At some point, I am going to have to start the journey down it. I just can't muster up the courage at this point. wow, that is sad! I'm so embarrassed for my kids to ever read this. What a coward I am! How can I teach them to be self-loving people? It sure isn't by my example. Gosh, that is a frightening thought! This is such a world of angry people and I'm one of them. What a disappointment I am. Guess to some extent my parents were right. They told me when I left the house for the last time, "You're nothing and will never be anything other than angry and pathetic."  (I couldn't never forget those words! EVER!!) For a few years after I left, I tried so hard to appear happy on the outside, mostly to simply prove them wrong. I knew I was never really fulfilled on the inside. Deep down. . .I knew it! I would have never admitted it to a soul (or myself, to be completely honest).

Almost 8 years later, I'm finally wanting and emotionally able to deal with it all. It's such a process. Dragging up all these thoughts, memories, and heartache is so confusing and heartbreaking. I just keep looking at Lyla J. and wondering how she would turn out if I didn't find a way to change myself. Would she be a weak, sad woman like me? I can't chance it! I have to change it!!! She and my boys are so beautiful and innocent. I may question everyday if I am worth the process, but I will NEVER question that they ARE important enough to complete it. They are my motivation. They are the light at the end of this heartbreak I feel. They were born into my care and my arms, but they will be the ones that deliver me! What a beautiful gift!

What a weekend. . .

It's Monday evening and I am finally getting things back together again from such a great weekend. It was so much fun. Friday night we just stayed home and I tried my hand at using a sewing machine. Allen watched a movie with the kids and I locked myself in my bedroom. Needless to say, I'm going to leave the sewing to others. I am terrible. My Grandma would have been so sad and disappointed. Although, I know she would have laughed so hard at my failed attempts. She was always my biggest "cheerleader" and could always make me smile when I messed something up. She definitely would have been a great comfort Friday night. I just sat there an cried from laughing so hard thinking of her and I's conversation that would have taken place that night. 

Saturday morning came VERY early. Lyla decided she needed to wake up around 4:30 a.m. That one was a killer. Allen and I were so insanely displaced. Neither one of us could handle being up that early because we finished season 3 of Dexter the night before and were up until about midnight. We were dead tired that morning, but we had to go on as usual. Nothing stops these kids. They are up and ready to go every morning at 6:30 a.m. I have to be honest, I look forward to the day that Allen and I get to stay in bed for the whole morning. A few more years, I suppose. After we finished breakfast, it was time for Lyla to take a nap. I laid her down and started getting the house together while Allen took a shower. I set a movie up for the boys and they were content with watching G.I. Joe.  Finally we got things together and got out of the house before lunch. We went to Chick-fil-A for lunch and then did a little shopping. We had to get Asher a new pair of shoes. I found some great deals at Kohl's and then we got home to make dinner for Allen's brother Troy and wife Natalie. They came from Indiana for the weekend. We hadn't seen them since Thanksgiving.

They got to our house just before dinner. The kids were completely overwhelmed. It was so much fun to have so much excitement in the house. I love it! We finally had Christmas with them. The kids loved their gifts and I think they all had a great time. We got the kids to bed and then the adults stayed up and played Guitar Hero. I ended up falling asleep when Allen and Troy were playing and Natalie went to bed too. It is becoming harder and harder for me to stay up late. I just see no purpose really. I know the kids are up at 6:30, so why would I stay up late. lol Allen on the other hand can stay up until midnight and is up again at 5:30 am for work. He is amazing! He has never needed much sleep. I have just recently started needing so much. Crazy what happens when you get older.

Sunday morning, Lyla and Noah woke up at the typical time. I wasn't really looking forward to it, but knew it was coming. So we got up and started getting ourselves ready. We talked about making something for breakfast, but Allen decided it would be easier to just go get something. So we all loaded up and went to Cracker Barrell. It was such a yummy breakfast and I loved that I didn't have to do the dishes! *always a treat for me!! * After we finished, Troy and Natalie had to be on their way. We said our goodbyes and loaded back into the van. It was such a short visit, but I have a feeling it was enough for them. LOL We are a very loud and active house. I can imagine it is "culture shock" for a couple that doesn't have kids. I always try to make it calm for people when they visit, but I can never tell if they thought it was calm enough.

We really needed to go grocery shopping, so when Lyla took her morning nap Allen made the grocery list and the boys and I detailed the van. We cleaned it from top to bottom! (the inside that is) It was such a beautiful day and I have been so ready to give it a good cleaning. It had been bugging me for months. I HATE a dirty, unorganized vehicle. It's just too much for me to handle. I think a person's house/car tells you a lot about themselves. I have to say, I am a bit of a neat freak! Anyone who knows me would agree. Organization is the key to my life!  It just makes me feel good to be clean.

We went grocery shopping at Publix and finally got home. Allen and I put the groceries away as the boys went out to play. Did I mention that it was 68 degrees on Sunday!! Beautiful!! I was so happy to hear the boys running and playing together. It was music to my ears. Lyla went out for a few minutes but kept taking off her shoes, so we brought her insides. She stood at the slider door and just "talked" to the boys. It was priceless!! I love hearing them play together!

While we were playing outside, we got to meet the newest addition to the Green family. Dad and Paula came by with their new dog Na'vi. What a cutie he is! I was just in love with the little guy. The boys just love him. It was hilarious to watch him running wild with the kids. What a memory!

I'm falling asleep as I type, so I better cut it off before I post something wild. LOL



Playing games with Uncle Troy & Aunt Natalie!





I love this one! What a pair of pretty girls!



Allen and Na'vi





Daddy and his little girl! Aww!



What a doll! :)

No rest for this Mama. . .

I have had such a migraine today. I've struggled to keep myself going this morning. Jaxon's school was on an hour delay and it was great to sleep in an extra 45 minutes but it got us out of our morning routine off. Last night I went to bed with a migraine and prayed that it would be gone in the morning, but no luck. It started yesterday afternoon. I get these when I cry a lot or if the day has been overly stressful. I was given some information yesterday, that will forever change my thoughts on many things. I would have to say that I am haunted by this information (if that isn't being too dramatic of me?!). It's all I can think about. My every move is a reflection of what I now know. I got something out of the fridge and just about cried. Just thinking about how others before me dealt or didn't deal with this burden. I have always said that my biggest weakness is having too much empathy for people. I completely put myself in other's shoes and am changed so strongly by doing so. (some call it being dramatic, but I call it "living strongly") My heart changed yesterday. I have a whole new outlook and all because I finally have some clues to how a few generational curses were created. Without going into detail (out of respect for others involved) I am a new woman. . . well minus the same old headaches. lol

I look at those I love with so much more passion and conviction. I have a desire for deeper relationships and bonds. I desire to use what time I have been given to cherish things instead of complaining about what I don't have. Cause man, I've got a LOT!! It may not have been what I had dreamed of as a child or young woman, but it is perfect none the less! ~That's just a little bit of my line of thinking today. I can't seem to get much more to come out due to this headache. I would love to just crawl in bed and block out all the noise, but seriously! lol Not an option for this mama.

My younger boys are sitting in their chairs and watching Bolt. They are too hilarious together. I wonder what will happen next year when Asher is in school. I'm very nervous about it actually. I was this nervous when Jaxon started kindergarten too, so I know it will blow over. It will all be fine once everyone gets in a groove and routine. I'm not sure what I will do with only 2 kiddos. Wow that seems like a vacation or something. I will be so sad though. My kids are growing up too fast. I wish I could slow it down, but I'm excited to see what the next few years will hold.

Here are a few silly pics I took after dinner the other night. Jaxon and Noah were already done with dinner and playing in their room, so they missed out on pictures.



Lyla being so silly!





My beautiful Asher!

♫ Forgiveness is such a simple word,but it is so hard to do when you've been hurt...♫

I have been thinking about this post for a long time. I have wanted to get my thoughts out on paper. They have haunted me for long enough. This is very difficult for me to publish for others to read, but the purpose of this blog is to share my raw, real, personal thoughts and feeling for my kids to read when they are older. So I am going to be true to the vision I had for starting this. I want to warn. . .not a light subject and I am not going to hold back as to not hurt feelings. I am going to stand up for my feelings and be a bit selfish this time around!

When I picked Lyla up out of her crib this morning, she just smiled and hugged my neck so tight. She does this often, sometimes it is hard to break the tight hold she has to let her down. She just "talks" in my ear. It seems that she is telling me all about her night and how happy she is to see me. I just about cry every time she does it. I am so in love with my children. It is so hard to believe that other people could feel any differently. From the moment I became a mother, I became so defensive of my baby. I remember being in the hospital and having a HUGE meltdown because my "parents" showed up and wanted to see my child! I was only about 12 hours into motherhood and I was ready to kill to defend my child. . .literally. I was convinced that they were there to hurt him. I just knew it!! I think that was the first time Allen saw me go insane. I just couldn't let them be around him. I WOULDN'T LET IT HAPPEN!! He was my gift and not their punching bag! They would never be allowed to hurt him like they did me!!! I would rather die! So, I freaked out a bit more than I should have, I know! lol I couldn't calm down. My point in telling that was that the moment I became a mother, I was given such a job of protecting my child. I had such a feeling of purpose. As the years past and the children came, I understood even more my position of defender and nurturer of my babies.

I heard the Kelli Pickler song "I Wonder" and it really got me thinking this morning. I have been carrying such a heavy burden for years, well almost my whole life if I am being honest! I have such a hard time understanding how my mother could ever treat me as she did. How could you carry a child in your womb for 9 months and then birth her and nurse her, and not feel such a deep, internal, uncontrollable love? I just can't comprehend. (Speaking just of my Mother/Daughter relationship with Lyla) From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I had such a deep bond with each of my babies. I loved them before I had a name for them. When I found out I was pregnant with my fourth, I had such an undeniable feeling. The bond was so different, but just as strong as the previous three. It took four months of wondering before we found out it was a girl. I remember lying on the table and just crying uncontrollably. Allen was in shock of course and I was just scared. How would I love a girl? How would I treat her? Would I hate her as my mother hated me? I wasn't happy in those first few days. I was scared out of my mind! I told Allen I was crying because I was so happy, but I was lying. I was scared that I would be just like my mother. I just assumed I would be full of hate and anger, mean and spiteful and completely detrimental to her. Would I tell her the same things she told me? Would I try to break her and kill her spirit? I was so uncontrollably terrified! I thought it was a destiny I was headed for. I cried to myself for many nights. I hid my thoughts and feelings from everyone because I knew no one would understand. How could they understand? I knew I was going to be just like my mother. When you're a child and your mother looks at you and says, "I wish I believed in abortions!" it has a tendency to kill your spirit.

I would look in the mirror and all I would see was her face looking back. I would just stand and cry. Out of all my sisters, I look the most like her and it is haunting. The only thing she gave me was baggage and her bone structure. What a nasty combination! I just couldn't handle it. I struggled with my pregnancy and when it came to naming the baby, I couldn't. I actually took the suggestion of a friend and named her Lyla. I loved the name, but the only "lyla" I ever heard of was from a soap opera that my mother used to watch everyday. She would avoid making us dinner to watch this crap. I struggled with the name for months, but knew that it fit. I did not have a middle name until after she was born. Everyone added their thoughts and said "Jannelle" would be so pretty. I just about gagged! I would NEVER give my daughter a name that I hated and that came from "her'! NEVER!! I finally opened up to Grandma about my feelings on the middle name and she said something that changed my thoughts. She told me," Honey, it's not the name your mother gave you anymore. It is the name of the woman you have become. You should be proud to pass something so special along to your daughter. You can start fresh and show Lyla how to embrace love and generational gifts." (I love that woman. She has taught me so much about myself and showed me how to find inner strength.)

So long story short, I took Grandma's advice and gave my daughter my name. It fits her. She is so much like me. I am so honored that the Lord saw fit to bless me with a daughter. What a gift. I think through all this I have found comfort in the knowing that it was not me. I didn't do this to my mother. I wasn't born for her just to abuse and hate. I was born and endured all those years of terrible conditions, so that I could come out of it to raise my daughter with love! Pure love, unconditional love, free love with no strings attached! Isn't that just a wonderful gift and cycle! I had to endure all that hell so that I would learn that love it so precious and I am able to give it freely to my children.

Sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about me. If she ever wonders how I turned out and how I am doing emotionally. I wonder if she ever realized that she almost killed me and if she cries at night knowing that she will never have my children as grandchildren. I wonder if she is sad that she was never there for me through school, or when I got married and if she missed being there by my side during the births of my children.  As a young mother, these are things that I am already looking forward to with my children. These are the moments that one should cherish in their life. I wonder at times, if she would even recognize the woman I've become. Would she even care? I think at times that I should get answers to these questions, but the honest truth. . .they would be disappointing answers. They would probably just tear me down and break me. She didn't care when I was a toddler, why would she care when I am 27?  So each day I hug my daughter a little tighter and laugh a bit more. I try so hard not to let my sons see me so hurt, but I also want them to know how loved and special they are. I will never lie to my children about my life before becoming their mother. I suppose my childhood will one day become a very difficult conversation with them. I will have to explain to them what I endured and how I survived. I am afraid they will see me differently. I am afraid many people will see me differently after reading some of my posts. I just refuse to "live in that fear." I am who I am. I'm extremely blessed and proud to be delivered. I will never take my family for granted. I suppose that is another lesson I was to learn throughout all this. . .

Playing catch-up. . .

I am finally getting a minute to jot some thoughts down. Today was President's Day and school was closed. It was a good thing too. We had such ice and snow all over our road. Allen actually worked from home. I am so grateful that he finally has a great job that allows him to work from home and to be safe on days like these. Tennessee drivers are so stupid and careless when the weather is bad. I worry about him getting in a wreck every time he leaves the house. So, we all were blessed to just hang out together today. Well, not really Allen. He had to work the whole time, but he did take a lunch break with us. It was nice to fix dinner with him here, usually it is just me doing all the cooking and "midget wrestling." It was a good night.

Here are a few pictures I took of the kids opening the package from my Aunt and Uncle. The kids had such a blast and I can't express how wonderful my Aunt Dolores and Uncle Allan are. They are some really great people and have such deep, amazing love for my little family! I am so blessed to have gotten to know and love them. 



 Such a BIG box!! They were stoked! :)



Lyla just couldn't wait! (it was her birthday present. . .a little late!)



Soccer shirt for Jaxon! He LOVED it!!



Can you tell Asher LOVED his shirt too!!??!!! LOL



Noah's birthday present! He didn't want to stop to take a picture.



Jammies for his birthday! PERFECT!!



Looking for more! I thought this ones was hilarious!

Finally, I learned how to post a great pic on here. It took some trial and error, but I got it! Now off to watch some more Dexter with Allen. I love snuggling on the couch. I have a great post in mind, but it will have to wait. No school tomorrow, so I doubt I will get a quiet moment. Hopefully soon! :)

Happy Birthday Noah Michael. . .

Three years ago today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Noah Michael Green was born at 9:33 am at Hendersonville Medical Center in Hendersonville, TN. He weighed 8 lbs. 3 oz and was 20 inches long.  After a very short labor (4 hours) and easy delivery, I was now the mother of three boys. Wow! 3 boys?!! My world had just changed. . .again! I was so unprepared for the lack of sleep I was about to get. I had done this twice before and yet I still couldn't keep up. Looking back, I wouldn't have done it an other way. Noah is such a joy!

He loved to smile even as a newborn. I knew from the moment I looked at him, he would be full of life. Three years later I am still in awe of this wild man. He is always involved in whatever the situation. He is learning so quickly and always wants to be around his brothers. He sure keeps Dad and I on our toes. Never a dull moment with him. He is always the first one up in the mornings and the last to go to sleep. He is my snuggle bunny and is always the first to come and give me a hug. I cherish him and this year I am especially grateful for his health. I am so blessed to have him healthy and going strong. The Lord knew what he was doing when he gave us Noah. He completes us in so many ways. I just can't imagine our lives without that little smiling face and sweet hugs. Allen and I are amazed with how he can just light up a room. He is our toughest child. Nothing can hold him down. He sets out and finds a creative way to get whatever he sets his gaze upon. I love his determination. Although, some days I wonder why God gave a 3 year old so much! He gives me a run for my money at times. lol

Tonight we had a family birthday party for him. Grandma and Grandpa, Chris, Amber & Jillian, Nana, Uncle, & Sissy (Kristyn) all came over for dinner and cake. It was hilarious. All the kids were great and seemed to have a fun time. Jillian and Lyla are just too funny. They keep Amber and I running. I love having family over. It just leaves me feeling so fullfilled! What a blessing!

Well my house is a disaster and is in need of some major clean-up. I just wanted to post some pictures and a little note about my Noah Toa!

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Here we go again. . .

I am finally sitting down to write a bit. I do not think this time is going to be easy. Lyla is at my feet crying and the boys are all wrestling in the livingroom. I pray I have a bit of sanity left in this mind of mine after today. Although, I wouldn't make a bet on it. Can you believe we are having another snow day? Wow, this has been one crazy winter here in TN. We have never had this much snow in the 6 years that we have lived here. I am not complaining. I love snow days with all my kids home and everyone together. I am going to have such a hard time when the kids are all grown and out on their own. I struggle with Jaxon just being in school. I love having them all here and knowing what they are doing all day. I feel so out-of-the-loop with his school sometimes. I never know what is happening from day-to-day and it bothers me. Next year will be even harder with both boys in school.  So, today I will enjoy the season we are in. I am thankful to have them home with me and that we are enjoying this lazy, winter day. These are the memories I want to cherish. I am so grateful to Allen for providing a way for me to stay home with my babies. I am in awe of mothers that work outside the home. What a strength they have.

I remember going back to work after I had Jaxon. He was 6 weeks old and I worked at Premiere Video. I loved working there, but remember I was a college student and that was the "coolest" place to work back then. I remember my first shift back and how I stood by the counter and just cried and cried. We lived in Evansville, IN and our apartment was literally just around the corner from the store. When I was at the end of my pregnancy, I would walk to work each day, trying to force myself into labor. (didn't work. lol) I loved the people there and the adventure of never knowing what was going to happen. We had a hilariously boss that made everything so drama and funny. The stories he told made our shifts just fly by. I laughed so hard everyday there. I worked up until about 12 hours before I went into labor. I just didn't want to sit at home by myself. (Allen worked about 60-70 hrs a week, so he was never home.)

I got off of my point there. I remember going back to work after Jaxon was born and I could only work nights. Allen would work from 6am-2pm at Wesslemans (the grocery store he managed) and I would go in from 3-10pm or 5pm-1am on weekends. The first day I went back I remember that they sent me home early because I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't accept the fact that Allen was taking good enough care of him. I needed to be there!! So, after a few more weeks of this, we decided that I needed to just be a mama at home. We were both college kids and were so broke, but we made it work somehow. It was great to be there for him all the time. Totally worth the sacrifices we had to make. I am grateful that Allen supported me through that time. It was a doozy!

I suppose I am feeling a little sentimental this morning. Only 2 days until my Noah turns 3 and I'm realizing how fast the times goes. There were days when I just knew I couldn't and wouldn't make it through, but God delivered me through the darkness and I am grateful to say I did it with Him. I have survived and enjoyed these young years with my children. I am excited and ready to enjoy so many more. What a blessing snow days are! They really make you stop everything and just enjoy what you have been blessed with. And well of course it gets my sentimental mind rolling. . . :)

Down for the count. . .

When I made the commitment to blog everyday I just assumed it would be an easy thing. But with all 4 kids crying and sick, I just can't keep up. So I am taking a leave of absence until all are well in our house again. It's been over a week and new illnesses are creeping into the house. I'm not a very happy mama, but we will get through this. So as Allen is holding and comforting Lyla, I am off to check on Noah (who is finally asleep in our bed). My poor babies. . .

**I finally got a new camera last night. A Nikon D5000!!! WOO HOO! Sadly this was about the only kind of shot I could get from a very sick Lyla J.

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What a fun day. . .

This morning started out a bit rocky. Jaxon was up last night throwing up again. I have been so worried about him and he seems to be losing some weight. He is a very skinny boy and I am concerned that he is becoming a bit unhealthy. I was going to keep him home from school today, but felt that he really needed to try to go. I do not believe he was sick with a stomach bug, I think now it was just becoming anxiety. He has been fine for the last few days, but still not eating his normal meals. He would graze, but never eat a full meal. I went ahead and got up early and got myself a shower. I then work him up and helped him get dressed. After he got dressed, we moved into the kitchen to get some breakfast. He only ate a little bit of dry cereal. I'm not that concerned with that because Jaxon has never eaten much for breakfast.

The morning progressed, I got Lyla ready, cleaned up some of the mess from last night, got the laundry switched, finished getting ready, and got Jaxon's lunch packed. He was being very sluggish. I finally convinced him that if he went to school and wanted to come home then I would come get him. That was all he needed to hear. He was ready to go now. I packed them up and got out of the house a few minutes early! (what a difference it is to have only 2 kids. I can't understand what people with a couple kids complain about. LOL) We were sitting in the car-rider line and Jaxon started to get nervous again. I tried to keep him talking so his mind would be on other things. We made it through drop-off and Lyla and I were on our way.

I stopped by our old house to drop off the trash (Thurs. is trash day). We then ran through McDonald's to get a soda for Amber and myself. Then we headed to Amber's. Once we got there we picked up Amber and Jillian and headed out for the day. I warned Amber that we maybe called to get Jaxon from school at anytime. I was so worried about him and Amber was very kind about it all. She helped calm my fears and we headed to Hendersonville. We did a Target run and had a great time. She found a few deals, but I ended up walking out of the store with only a pint of milk for Lyla. (she had already drank her whole cup.)

Amber got Jaxon a set of Bakugan guys. It was his first ones and he has asked for those for years. "Everyone" at school has them. LOL I thought that was so sweet of her. I knew he would be so excited. I always assumed there were tiny pieces to these action figures, but they are all one piece toys and nothing that I think Lyla would put them in her mouth. Then we headed to pick up some family pictures that Amber had taken a few weeks ago. We drove to the lady's house and had fun getting a little lost. The girls sat in the back set and laughed. They were so precious! What great girls they are.

After we picked up the pictures and stopped at the stop sign to check them all out, (they were beautiful!!) then we headed to the Rivergate Babies-R-Us. I had a gift card and really wanted to get Lyla some new sippy cups. She loves the ones Noah used to use, but they are so expensive that I would never be able to buy her many of them. But with my gift card I got 2 sippy cups for $3.73 total! Woo hoo. That made my day. So then we headed to lunch. We ate at Mimi's Cafe. It was very good. I loved the Onion Soup. I would love to go again. I got a glimpse of "normalcy" today. It was so bitter-sweet. So this is how people really live?? Hmm. . .

After we ate, we headed to the mall. We just looked around in Dillard's and then headed to Children's Place. I found some great deals. I found 2 pairs of pants for soccer season for Noah. And new gloves for the kids. I only spend about $30.00 today and had such a great time. I learned so much about Amber and loved getting to hang out with just the girls. It was something I hope we get to do more often. What a treat.

We also had to pick up Jaxon from school and we drove Amber's car. That confused Jaxon, but made him grin so much when he figured out what was happening. What a surprise. I cried (literally) when he got in the car and told me had a good day. I was so happy for him. I know it has been very trying for him lately and I just loved to see him smile so big. Then Aunt Amber gave him his Bakugan guys. I thought he was going to cry then. He was just smiling. What a great thing to see. He hasn't put them down all night. He is taking them for show-&-tell tomorrow at school. She definitely made my guy very happy!

As we got home and finished all the homework and cleaning, I sat down to call my Aunt Dolores (she had called earlier today and I wasn't able to talk). I talked for a few minutes and then Allen, Grandma, and Grandpa walked in the door. I love when they come over. It was such a surprise and Jaxon was so happy to see them. Lyla was too. They only stayed for a little bit and then we drove into town to drop off dry-cleaning and get some odds and ends. We ended up picking up some pizza for dinner. Although, I just ate left overs from lunch. Yum!

Well Asher is on the phone so off I go to talk with my little man. What a great day with lots of great family!

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Quality time. . .

Today, I got to really spend some great time with Jaxon. It was so wonderful to just sit down with him and snuggle. He is so big and it makes me sad how fast he is growing. I think I rely on him for too much sometimes. He is my oldest and I think I tend to expect more than he is capable of giving at only 6 years old. Today was a great reminder of how sweet and loving he is.

It was just Lyla, him, and I this morning. School was cancelled again, so we had another "free day."  Last night, I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he would like to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house to watch the Planet Earth movies. Little did he know that Grandma had bought him 3 of the 5 dvds for him. (she couldn't find vol. 1 and 5) He was so excited when she gave them to him. His eyes just lit up with joy. What a treat! After we watched some of the movies, it was time for lunch. We let him pick. . .McDonald's of course. Blah! I can't stand McDonald's and neither can our Grandparents, but we all went with a smile. He loved it. He ran into his friend from school, Salvador. It was so fun to watch him interact with kids his age. He was so happy and full of life. I loved that I got to spend such quality time with him. He was the focus of everyone's attention and you could just see a glow about him. He loved it too!!

After we left McDonald's we came home to put Lyla down for a nap. She was exhausted and told us about it. She finally gave in and fell asleep about 2 minutes from the house.  I put her in bed and got everything put away. Jaxon went straight to the dvd player and put in another Planet Earth dvd. We sat on the couch and snuggled and watched the movie. It was so wonderful. Then I made his favorite dinner...chicken pesto pasta with garlic bread. He loved it! We even had time to play some Guitar Hero and now Allen is watching a show with him. Lyla is at my feet and pulling my skirt. I think she is ready for bed.

I look forward to tomorrow and what it has in store for us all. I hope the younger boys are having a blast at Grandma and Papa's. I can't wait to see them on Saturday! I miss the loud, crazy house. I am blessed to be their mother! What a gift!!

Blah. . .

Well again there will be nothing of substance here! I am so exhausted and we just spent 3.5 hours in the car. I'm ready to hit the hay and forget the long blog for tonight! I just can't keep up. This morning I kept my friend's 2 sons while she and her husband took care of some things. I had 5 boys in one house and 1 little diva. Lyla was more to handle than the boys were. It was hilarious. So needless to say, I'm beat.



We walked in and put Lyla and Jaxon to bed and I got on here to do the nightly routine. No school again tomorrow!!! yikes! Lord help me! I really just want some routine back. I am a person who needs structure and things to be predictable. It's been a tough winter for me, but I am looking forward to spending the day with my Jaxon and Lyla. Jaxon asked if we could go to Grammie and Pa's house, so I called Grandma to make sure that was ok with them. Looks like we will be spending the day at their house. I'm excited! It is always a treat to spend quality time with them. So off to bed I go. . .

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Getting later and later. . .

I really do need to start writing during the day again. It gets so late and I just want to jump into bed and skip the computer time. I put the kids to bed later than usual tonight and I going to pay for it tomorrow. I was on the phone and having a good chat with a friend and didn't notice that it was almost 10pm. I am going to keep her two boys tomorrow. I think it is going to be a pretty fun day (as long as the coffee is ready when I wake up!).

Jaxon doesn't have school again tomorrow and we were going to have to try to find something to do all day. The snow is too hard and more like ice now, so playing outside is no long an option. I am so blessed that Cheryl called me and that I can help them out. I know how hard it is to live in a town without any help.  So, I am super excited to be that friend when they need me! Jaxon and Asher are so pumped. Jaxon overheard me talking to her and put the pieces together. I told Asher as I tucked him in and he just grinned from ear to ear. He wanted Nathaniel to sword fight with him and play costumes. Finally, he has someone willing to be a super hero with him. (Jaxon doesn't care to dress up much anymore!) It's going to be lots of fun. They are bringing G-Force to watch and Jaxon is going to flip. That is one of the movies (also UP and Transformers 2) that they wanted for Christmas. I am excited to see how L.J. deals with all the men in the house. I think it will throw her for a loop! It's going to be exciting to say the least!

Plus, I need to get the younger boys packed because we are meeting Scott and Evelyn tomorrow night. Noah and Asher will be with them until Saturday. They are going to have a blast! I am so happy that they get to spend this time with Grandma and Papa. What wonderful memories they are making. Priceless!!! I better get to bed. And I think I am going to start blogging earlier. I am leaving so much out and am not being very detailed. Not a good thing!

I found these pictures on my old phone and thought they were too precious. They make my heart smile! I am so blessed to have such beautiful children.

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