School Days

Well I made it through my first morning of dropping Jaxon off at school. Well, I didn't really make it with much dignity though. I cried like a baby the whole time and well I'm still in tears. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It has been leading up to this all week and finally this morning it hit me. I just couldn't keep my emotions in check. Oh I tried and I prayed not to lose it, but I lost it completely. Seriously, LOST IT.

Poor Colleen was walking by as I was leaving and I must have looked like a huge baby. I just couldn't get myself to turn it off. I tried very hard not to cry with Jaxon or any of the other children looking. I just didn't want him to think there was anything wrong with being at school. I hope he isn't sitting there thinking, "My mom is a nut case!" But I'm sure he is. LOL He has known that for a long long time. hahaha

This morning Jaxon was up with the sun. He was so excited and ready to get the "show on the road" Allen and I did so great getting up and ready that I was sure it would be a smooth morning. Then the little two boys woke up (thanks to Jaxon being too excited and noisy). So by this time it was only 7:00 and we still had a time before we had to leave. Jaxon and I just sat there and talked and I have to tell you it was the sweetest experience. He was so happy to be going and so full of his "morning sunshine." I wish I had more of that. I wish I was more of a morning person. He is so amazing in the mornings. He just made me smile and realize how amazing he is. I am so blessed to be that little man's mom. He is so wonderful.

But as I sit here writing, I am watching Asher and Noah watch Barney and it breaks me. I remember sitting on the couch with Jaxon when he was a year old and watching Sesame Street. Those are precious memories to me and I will love them always. Man, I sound so pitiful. It's only Kindergarten, I know! But gosh my life is going by too fast. I am just not sure I am prepared for this. But that's life. . . I have to do it regardless if your prepared or not. Well ok, this is a downer of a blog. I am just in a confusion of what to do without him here today. It is the 1st day in 5 years that he hasn't spent it with me, so I'm a bit lost. lol

Well I am sure I sound like a crazy protective mom, but I am finally starting to wind down and calm down. I really just wanted to get a lot of these emotions out, so Jaxon will have something to look back on years from now and giggle about. I wanted them to be fresh and honest. So now that I'm drained and it is only 8:09 and nap time is hours away. :(  What a long day this is going to be. Got to find something to keep me busy!! Yikes!!!

 

It's half over!

Today I am celebrating entering my 20th week of this pregnancy. YAY!!! It has been a tough experience for me and honestly, I was wanting to enjoy it more. I am just so exhausted with this one and the back pain is incredible. Makes me a bit happy to know only 20 more weeks at the most will I have to feel this way.

I have had so much support and help from my wonderful husband. It had been such a blessing that he has been home with me to experience all of this and to help me. I have never had the experience of having him at home to help with all the tough days and hard times. He has held my hair back many times and I think he has got to be tired of hearing about my sciatic nerves hurting so bad. LOL He is so amazing and I am not really sure what I have done to deserve him, but I'm thankful!

The boys are getting ready to start school and Laney and Asher will be going to Mother' Day out on Tues. and Fridays. So that will make things so much easier and harder all the same. I will miss having a full house of kids. These girls just bring such fun and giggles with them. It is too sweet. Jaxon is so ready to begin school. I thought I would be sad, but I'm to the point that I would love for him to go today. haha He is in need for bigger and better things. :) I know he will thrive in that environment. I look forward to hearing all about it when he gets home each day. A new life is starting for each of us. Allen starts his new job this coming Monday, the boys are going to school, Noah will be an "only child" a few days a week, and I will be enjoying everyone experiencing new things. Hey maybe I can even start looking into going back to school. I want to finish my degree in the next few years, I pray the Lord has that in His plan for me.

Well this was a misc. blog. I guess I am a bit foggy minded after our trips the past 2 weekends. It was lots of fun, but I never want to drive more than 30 minutes in our van for a long time. LOL I am glad and blessed to be home! I hope to get pictures posted sometime this week. Our weekends included trips to Pigeon Forge, Fall Creek Falls, Indianapolis, Wisconsin, and Chicago. It was a lot of driving but TONS of memories and fun.

Baby Jack

A friend of mine from back home, (Eldorado, IL) just found out that her baby Jack has cancer. He will be 2 next month and is the sweetest, cutest boy I have ever seen. Yep, he totally beats my boys, with that smile of his!! lol Katie and her mother will be at the St. Judes Children's Hospital in Memphis for the next 3-4 weeks for his 1st treatment. It just breaks my heart to see that Katie has to endure this, she is the nicest person I have ever known. I don't think I ever remember seeing her upset or angry. She is just one of those very happy people that see the positive in everything. Even in cheerleading in high school, she kept us laughing. That is a tough thing to do then, but she was always so happy!!

They made a website to help support her and her family and to keep us updated. I just ask if you read this blog, please pray for them all. Jack is just a super kid and I just feel Katie's pain as a mother. I cannot imagine what her thoughts are, but if I know her, they are positive.  She is such a trooper, so I know Jack will have the same spirit!!

http://www.helpjackfightback.org/

Full

I have been feeling very full since Sunday. Something that I haven't felt (naturally or spiritually) in a long time. I have missed so much service lately and have a feeling it won't be letting up anytime soon. But none the less, I enjoyed being there Sunday. I got what I was looking for and so much more. I have been so troubled by a few things for months now and after a lot of prayer, I was still just numb and angry with it all. Sunday the Lord gave me such a piece of mind and healing to these situations. HIS words just spoke to my soul and given me such a feeling of contentment. What a blessing!! These situations may not change, but I have and that in itself is a miracle and testimony of HIS POWER!

Before Sunday I was angry that after months of prayer NOTHING was happening. Not even a small budge of change. . . nothing!!! I was angry with God and frustrated with the life I had been given. (I know, how ungrateful, right?!!) But I am human and I felt this way. I was judgemental and ANGRY. I did not choose to be placed in this life and with certain family, but none the less, here I was. Sunday there was a such a sweet spirit in the air and I was just filled with the need to surrender. I was stuck in my seat for the fear that I had no right to be down front. I hadn't been to church in so long and my heart was not in the right spot. I was held by fear of what others would think. (typical for me!) But then, my sweet friend went down and I just knew God had sent her there knowing I would always support her. So down I went. Doesn't HE ALWAYS know what we need, even when we think He doesn't!!! 

Simple words HE spoke to me changed my entire outlook on things. Just a few words have changed everything. My family, my relationships with my children, my husband and even myself. I still don't know if my troubled situations will ever change or be fixed, but no longer is that my worry. I have done my part and have done as I was instructed to do. I have forgiveness for myself, the others involved and can honestly say I can let go. I simply don't care anymore. It is a burden that has been lifted and I have been graciously given the tools to overcome the situations that will come. WOW!! God is Good!!!

Well this post was a bit more than I wanted it to be, but oh well. Although, I am still struggling physically, my mind and heart are at peace and comfortable. For that I am so grateful and blessed!

"I'm not Crazy, I'm just a little Unwell. . . "

Yep, I'm still alive, kind of. I feel like I have been out of touch with reality lately. I have been so extremely sick and it has been hard to get out of bed most days. My husband has been so encouraging and loving. I am blessed to have him. He makes me smile and that is a miracle on most days. I know how depressing I sound, believe me. I feel even worse. lol

Allen did decide to take our guys and I with him to Memphis this week and it has been hard and great all in the same. He felt bad that we were just sitting in the house all the time, so we tagged along. It was a hard decision for me, but is nice to be able to see him at night. We are coming home late tomorrow and I have to work on Monday so it is going to be a long week this week. I also have to get my lawn mowed. I know my neighbors are just in an embarrassed state. It was raining when we left so I couldn't get it done. 2 weeks without keeping it under control is getting a bit careless. lol Geez

We took the boys to the zoo today here in Memphis. Gosh it is GREAT!! Our guys loved it. So much better than our Nashville one. A 100 times better actually. It's a must see thing. Very clean and even on a Saturday it was a calm environment. It was a tough day for me and everyone was getting tired of waiting for me to finish being sick in the bathroom. lol They were very kind about it, even Noah. Asher always asks me if the "baby in my belly is hurting me again?" Such a fun day, even if we did spend 45 minutes being lost on the way there. LOL :)

Well this is just another random almost pointless blog by a very bored and tired me. We are having movie night with the older boys while Allen is working. I can't tell you how many times we have watched Superman. I am so tired of it, but Jaxon can't take his eyes off it and Asher can tell you every time Superman is getting ready to take off and fly. Hilarious these boys are. I love them dearly.

What a conversation. . .

Asher mumbling to himself while eating his chicken nuggets at lunch today.

Jaxon: "Asher who are you talking to??"

Asher: "God!"

Jaxon: "Why are you talking to God?"

Asher: "Cause he is my friend!"

Jaxon: "What did He say?"

Asher: "You need to give me some of your chicken nuggets cause mine are gone."

Jaxon: "Tell God that He can't tell me to do that!!!"

Jaxon then gets his nuggets and walks to another seat, away from Asher!

You never know what you will get during a meal in the Green Household. I was making a grocery list through all this and started writing it all down. I was so happy to finally get one of these talks recorded word for word. It made me laugh out loud. I haven't done that in weeks. It was a great feeling! Boys are just incredible!!

ramblings of a pregnant woman

Not really sure what to call this post, besides just rambling.  I have definitely been feeling the hormones of this pregnancy. I am really going to miss this experience. Pregnancy is one of the most incredible seasons that God gave women. I am determined to cherish this one. Every last sick day of it. LOL

 I have a new friend that has really shown me the JOY that can come with it all. She is such a blessing.  I have never had anyone be so excited and happy for me and this baby. I am loving her encouraging words and excited smile. It is just super uplifting.

So last Friday, we went and registered Jaxon for school. I am just overwhelmed by the thought of letting go of my baby. I have been the sole caregiver since the moment I gave birth and I am just not sure about giving a stranger that privilege. Am I ready for that???? NOPE!! But it is just something I am going to have to accept and pray hard about. I know this will be such a great thing for him. Jaxon is a child that needs constant stimulation and it is something that, with 3 younger siblings, I would not be able to give him. So this will definitely be an adventure. It will be fun and exciting to see him learn and accomplish such important milestones.

Asher is just filling me with laughter. His new thing is always saying (when he is in trouble) "What does that mean???" I just have to turn my head and giggle. It is too funny. He says it with such a little drama and exaggeration. It is just like his mom. LOL Cracks me up. I can't believe how old he acts. It is hard to imagine that he just turn 3. He and Jaxon seem to be on the same exact page developmentally.

Noah is so funny. He is learning so many new words. His vocabulary has tripled since I started keeping the girls. The youngest girl is about 6 months older than him and is teaching him so much. Even sign lanuage. It is incredible. I'm loving it. He can tell you so many things now. I think this is my favorite baby age. 15 months is just amazing. And the whole mouth open kisses are just killer. LOL HAHAHA

Like I said this post is just a lot of rambling. So much on my mind and I am just trying to keep focused on the GOOD things in life. Most importantly, my family! They are so great and I am so blessed to have my guys. Sounds cheesy but I am really blessed and extremely grateful that I have them. Each day and every day!!!

And the naming begins!!

Well I think Allen and I have decided on names for our little one. I know I'm only about 6 weeks along, but I like to have something in mind from the get go. My sister just laughs and says I'm nuts!!! But she will learn when she has babies. Our girl will be Lane Eva Green and our boy name is Liam Avery Green.

I am very much planning on a daughter named Lane, but you always have to be prepared. LOL So I bet it will be my little Liam. We will see how it goes. It has been very crazy trying to find names, but I was determine to get them picked out soon. I think I am already nesting. ROFLOL I want things prepared and I have SOOOOO long to go. I'ts going to be such a long pregnancy.

I guess the picture says it ALL!

 

We surprised Allen when he came home from Memphis this week. Needless to say, HE WAS SURPRISED!!! LOL

So, our new little member will complete our family and we are all so excited! We are very blessed! So we have decided on the name Liam for a boy and well we NEVER think about girl names. It's just something that Allen and I never seriously think about. LOL So I guess I should claim Liam now, just in case. It seems there are so many babies being born this year. Our church is so blessed! I am grateful! :)

I needed to go back to bed...(SERIOUSLY!)

So where do I begin? What a day it has been so far. I just felt it when I woke up this morning. I KNEW something was going to happen. I never thought it would get this bad! So here it goes. . .

Two weeks ago I started wearing a NTI at night to help with my headaches. Gosh, it has really really helped with the headaches (I admit, I was doubtful), but I wake up with such a dirty yuck taste in my mouth and my teeth hurt for the 1st 10 minutes or so. I think it is a good trade to eliminate the headaches so I won't complain. But this morning I just got so sick. I couldn't get the taste out and my teeth were just simply aching! I wanted to crawl back in bed, but yeah right, like that was going to happen.  So I got up and got the boys' their breakfast and then it was time to get Allen up. He had a doctor's appointment this morning and was running late.

I totally forgot it was Monday and the girls would be here in an hour and a half. YIKES!! I was not prepared. I had run out of laundry detergent and my clothes are piled up and and the dishes were typically not done due to another crazy Sunday. So I get to work and get ready and go check on the boys. Jaxon asked me to "fix" one of his guys. So little carpenter fix-it mom me, I try to do it with the help of a butter knife. Allen then comes in during this from the doctor and he had bad news. I was listening to him and not really paying attention and I slip and the knife jabs into my hand. I started screaming and running to the bathroom. Our boys started going nuts after they hear me and the wonderful red color is flowing everywhere. It really freaked them out and Allen too. I was just screaming in pain and really just shocked. I have NEVER done something so stupid and careless. Gosh, at least not in front of the boys. Well of course it is in a place that I just can't get a butterfly band-aid to stick so I am trying to decide if I need to get stitches. It's kind of bad.

Well 20 mins later the girls arrive and I'm one-handed with 5 kids under the age of 5. (pray!! LOL) Allen leaves to meet a woman to sell some stuff (I love craigslist!). He calls and says he just got a ticket. His first in 8 years and that he is praying that things get better. He then calls 30 mins later andsays he is still trying to find the lady he was meeting. He is now frustrated and has a huge meeting today and he is losing focus. Just great!! That's what I needed to hear as Asher falls out of his chair while eating and our Vonage box quit working, so our phones are down and my cell only works upstairs and the kids are playing downstairs. lol

Seriously, I guess you just have to laugh, even as I am writing this one handed and it is taking me an hour or so. Some days are just meant to be tough, so that you know a great day when you are living it. Well I just pray the Lord has realized that I am trying to survive this and get to a GREAT one!! Just pray for us and that our night goes a bit better. LOL :)

music

JAXON

Well we have spent the entire week in the dentist office. Dr. Givens is my FAVORITE dentist ever, so it hasn't been as tough as it sounds. lol Allen and I finally bit the bullet, so to speak, and went. We hate going to the dentist, but Allen had some time off this week and we just took a leap of faith. LOL  We also got Jaxon an appointment. It was his first time going and I was as nervous as any mother could be. I almost cried just sitting in the waiting room.

He did GREAT. Just sat there and watched cartoons and joked with the ladies. I was so impressed and surprised. I have never been that calm and I'm a grown adult. I guess when you know nothing about what can happen in that office there are no fears. He was such a trooper. We did find out a lot about his teeth and he had one cavity that they said they needed to fill. So today we went back and had that taken care of. Again, I was a nervous wreck. Dr. Givens told me not to say anything about what would happen and that there would be a SHOT involved. So I bit my lip and let him walk back without me. I sat there and just cried. I had warned them on Tues. that I would more than likely respond like that and they were super nice about it. It's official. . .  I'm that mom!!

But he did so well. I finally went back and checked on him and I was getting my NTI fit for my mouth and he was in the room right next to me. I could here him laughing and telling the girls all about the cartoon that was on the tv. I was so proud and just thanked God for His blessings. I had worried all day yesterday and this morning. But HE took care of it. So that has been our big adventure this week and man am I glad it is over until October!!! Asher will be going too!   Until then. . .

Best Book EVER!!!

Well I only have a few minutes, but I have been itching to tell everyone about the book I just finished reading last week. (I know it is a shock that I actually finished a whole big person book!) LOL   Irregular People by Joyce Landorf Heatherly. WOW!!! What a gift from the Lord this book has been.

My Aunt Dolores gave it to me about 2 years ago and I started to read it then and I know know that my heart and mind were not open to it yet. I read 3 chapters and thought I was going to suffocate. I was so overwhelmed and almost burdened by the subject matter. Did I have that many irregular  people in my life?? How messed up is that??? I was just overcome with panic and frustration. I just "knew" that the Lord couldn't handle all my sadness and brokenness. I have missed out on so many core relationships every woman needs to become who she is. (so I thought) I was just so broken and mentally not capable of dealing with what the Lord had sat in-front of me. So long story short I sat the book down and didn't touch it for 2 years.

 Two weeks ago I was just getting home from a play-date with a good friend of mine and had a few missed calls on my telephone. I finally got all three boys up and into their beds for a nap and I looked at the phone.  Allen had called, my sister Jeanna, and then there it was. . . my Aunt Dolores had called. ~If anyone knows me they know I have a terrible phone phobia. Silly to some, but seriously heart stopping for me. I am the worst phone friend possible. It takes a touch from God for me to pick up the phone and call anyone besides my husband or sister. Not sure why this happens, but it has for as long as I can remember.

Anyways, my body got all shaky and I knew I had to return her call. I felt the "Holy Spirit tingle" and knew if I didn't do it right then it wouldn't happen. So I called and well I was thrilled when there was no answer. My heart started beating normally and I could breathe again. But not for long. Soon the phone rang. I answered it without looking at the caller id and just prayed it was Allen calling to see if we had made it home safely. Obviously, it was my Aunt and just hearing her voice just calmed my soul. (She is the most amazing Christian woman I have ever met. Such a sweet voice and even sweeter soul. I still wonder how she got into our family. She is such a one of a kind and sometimes I find it hard to believe she and my Uncle are part of the Jones family. They are too normal and full of love!)  We started talking and continued to talk for almost an hour. It was so reassuring and pure. I haven't had a conversation like that in all my years. I look back and see that the Lord was providing and answering so many of my prayers. HE was delivering the comfort and knowledge I had been praying for through my Aunt Dolores.

We talked about our family, (the Jones side-she is my dad's brother's wife) and the history and genealogy. She enlightened me on so many things that happened in my childhood that I could only remember flashes of. She provided such a loving third party sort of information. There were no judgements or hurtful words, just the truth as much as she knew. It was just simply EYE-OPENING!! As soon as I got off the phone I was just in a state of deliverance that only our Lord provides. Know that feeling?? I just wanted to shout from the rooftops!! God told me to go and unpack that book and finally finish it. He had made me ready! I did it in 3 nights and for me that is a miracle!! I cried more than I have ever cried. I was just so touched and healed of so much anger. I still have so much to go, but now I see a light. Cheesy as it sounds, I see the light!!!!

 Well I know I didn't go into the subject matter of the book that much but I want everyone to read it for themselves. I am a huge Joyce Landorf fan now. She is good friends with Dr. James Dobson and well if you have boys you know how amazing he is!! I have a copy that I am would to loan to anyone and everyone. I just am so excited that I know have the mental ability to get it all. God's timing is such a cool thing.

Joining the club

Well I finally found a few minutes to get this blog thing going again. I have been trying for a few weeks to really get back into the swing of things. It seems I have become on of "those people" in the past year. I feel as if I have lost my way a bit and am glad to be getting back on tract. So more posts to come and hopefully a better way to connect with everyone and get into a rhythm of writing again. Gosh, I have slacked in that area and miss my writing time. So here we go again!

p.s.

 HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY ASHER!!!