School Days

Well I made it through my first morning of dropping Jaxon off at school. Well, I didn't really make it with much dignity though. I cried like a baby the whole time and well I'm still in tears. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It has been leading up to this all week and finally this morning it hit me. I just couldn't keep my emotions in check. Oh I tried and I prayed not to lose it, but I lost it completely. Seriously, LOST IT.

Poor Colleen was walking by as I was leaving and I must have looked like a huge baby. I just couldn't get myself to turn it off. I tried very hard not to cry with Jaxon or any of the other children looking. I just didn't want him to think there was anything wrong with being at school. I hope he isn't sitting there thinking, "My mom is a nut case!" But I'm sure he is. LOL He has known that for a long long time. hahaha

This morning Jaxon was up with the sun. He was so excited and ready to get the "show on the road" Allen and I did so great getting up and ready that I was sure it would be a smooth morning. Then the little two boys woke up (thanks to Jaxon being too excited and noisy). So by this time it was only 7:00 and we still had a time before we had to leave. Jaxon and I just sat there and talked and I have to tell you it was the sweetest experience. He was so happy to be going and so full of his "morning sunshine." I wish I had more of that. I wish I was more of a morning person. He is so amazing in the mornings. He just made me smile and realize how amazing he is. I am so blessed to be that little man's mom. He is so wonderful.

But as I sit here writing, I am watching Asher and Noah watch Barney and it breaks me. I remember sitting on the couch with Jaxon when he was a year old and watching Sesame Street. Those are precious memories to me and I will love them always. Man, I sound so pitiful. It's only Kindergarten, I know! But gosh my life is going by too fast. I am just not sure I am prepared for this. But that's life. . . I have to do it regardless if your prepared or not. Well ok, this is a downer of a blog. I am just in a confusion of what to do without him here today. It is the 1st day in 5 years that he hasn't spent it with me, so I'm a bit lost. lol

Well I am sure I sound like a crazy protective mom, but I am finally starting to wind down and calm down. I really just wanted to get a lot of these emotions out, so Jaxon will have something to look back on years from now and giggle about. I wanted them to be fresh and honest. So now that I'm drained and it is only 8:09 and nap time is hours away. :(  What a long day this is going to be. Got to find something to keep me busy!! Yikes!!!